“Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare.” – Ed Asner
This post in no way intends to make light of the serious topic covered in the Netflix series “13 Reasons Why.”
I just finished binge-watching the show, and in my opinion, the suicide scene is over-the-top, irresponsible on the part of the show’s creators, and entirely unnecessary.
I discussed this with my husband after I finished the last episode. Ever the one to bring comedic relief when I take life too seriously, he said he could easily come up with 13 reasons why he would rather sleep in the guest bedroom than our master bedroom.
Well played, hubby.
I’m sure the fact that when I’m sick I (in his words) “snore like a chainsaw” has nothing to do with his list idea.
I decided to come up with my own list for my hubby and any other hubby out there who has a wife at home with the kids all day.
13 Reasons Why Your Stay-at-home Wife is Counting the Minutes Until You Get Home
- It took her over an hour to fold one load of laundry because she had to stop every 10 minutes to break up the kids’ fighting. It’s always the same fight over one toy even though there are a million others to choose from.
- Her throat is sore from yelling at the kids multiple times in reference to number one.
- If she trips or steps on one more effing toy you will come home to a bonfire on your front lawn. Same goes for if her toddler pulls out one more toy to play with.
- Her only adult interaction today was with the pharmacist at CVS. She’s pretty sure that the pharmacist took pity on her because she could see the look of desperation in your wife’s eyes for adult conversation.
- If she has to wipe one more thing (a surface, a butt, a nose, a face) she might lose her mind. She now understands where the phrase “wiped out” comes from.
- You men have these things on your appendages called hands. This is what she wants right now: an extra pair of hands to hold a child, feed a child, WIPE a child, for God’s sake.
- Thanks to daylight savings time (clearly a man invented this) it’s dark by the time the toddler has woken up from a late nap. So much for getting some fresh air and avoiding the implosion of the house referenced in reason three.
- She is kicking herself for planning a complicated meal for dinner and now has to figure out how she is going to pull it off with a toddler clinging to her leg. (Editor’s note: a complicated meal entails anything more complex than Stouffer’s macaroni and cheese.)
- She planted the children in front of the television so she could try to cook the meal, but she made the rookie mistake of putting “The Octonauts” on the screen. If she hears that repetitive lyric one more time…
- Your arrival signifies that she is one step closer to Netflix time, reading time, and/or wine time. Let me stop lying: She’s already drinking wine at this point.
- She has spent the entire day putting little people’s needs before her own. It’s the homestretch to her “me” time, and her sweats are calling her name. Let me stop lying: She’s already wearing her sweats at this point.
- Just like your office job, her job at home has good days and bad days. On good days, she wants you home to help for all of the previously listed reasons. On bad days, she needs you home to help asap.
- She can’t wait to see you because she loves you. Sorry this is the last one on the list, hubbies, and sorry for the times you feel this is the last reason on the list. Take comfort in the fact that seeing you is often the highlight of your spouse’s day, and can you blame her after reading this list?
I’m pretty sure there is no greater truth in parenthood than the cliché that the days are long and the years are short.
On these long days when the kids drive your wife crazy and you have a brutal day at the office, hug each other, help each other get through the day, and show each other the appreciation you both deserve.
Then settle in on the couch.
Lord knows you earned it.