“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” – Joseph Campbell
We all have our own fears, and some have more than others.
I think I might fall under the category of those that have more fears than the average person. I have an irrational fear of bees, spiders, dogs and needles.
I can also no longer drive over the Coronado bridge without a major case of heart palpitations and sweaty palms.
But my biggest fear in my life at the moment? Starting this blog.
I am a very private person. I let few people into my world, and even fewer see me with my guard down. I’m naturally an introvert, and I’m never one to overshare on social media.
The irony is not lost on me that for months now I have felt compelled to write a blog.
Private, introverted Kristen has received whispers, that turned into nudges, that turned into unmistakable signs that I should start a blog and lay my life all out there for others to see, and possibly judge.
I hate to allow myself to be vulnerable, and like most of us, I’ve done a pretty good job at creating the façade that I have everything together in my life.
My perfect professionally taken profile picture on Facebook with my families perfectly coordinated outfits that I perfectly put together using Pinterest tells you that much.
I have many blessings in my life and my family tops the list. But we all know that things aren’t always black and white.
Life is beautiful, and I appreciate the pretty picture as much as the next person, but it is also filled with challenges and difficult times, and is so much more complicated than the pretty picture I’ve chosen to portray to the world.
I guess I’m just in a stage of my life where I am craving more authenticity, from both myself, and others. This blog is going to be the space I create for authenticity.
When I really started to analyze all of the reasons in my head that I shouldn’t start a blog, the common denominator for each reason is fear.
I’m scared to have a voice and put it out there in a space where my words will have permanence to them even if I regret writing them tomorrow.
I’m scared of others judgements about my beliefs, my decisions and my life.
I’m scared to be vulnerable and show my weaknesses, flaws and insecurities.
I’m scared to admit that I’m scared.
But guess what? Fear just isn’t a good enough excuse anymore. I’m 35 years old, and I just realized that you can feel fear without letting it hold you back.
I can be afraid to have a voice, but speak up anyways.
I can be afraid of judgement, but know that I’ll survive it.
I can be afraid of showing vulnerability, but know that it is the only path to truly connecting with others.
I can be afraid of failure, but know that the trying itself is the victory.
It’s not about how successful my blog is, or how many people read it, or what people might think about me speaking my truth. It’s about me becoming a better person and a stronger, more authentic human being.
It’s about the fact that if I inspire one person to look at the bigger picture in their own life, or one person to have faith in how life unfolds, or one person to feel a little less alone in this world, then maybe that is why I’m supposed to write this blog.
I’ve come to realize that fear only becomes problematic when it is holding you back from doing something that you love.
Thus, fear, I’m acknowledging you and consciously choosing to start a blog anyways, because my passion and love for writing trumps your existence.
Love trumps fear all day every day.
What can you expect from my blog?
I truly believe that life is a school, and love is the lesson that we are learning over and over again, and I want to illustrate this by drawing on my own everyday life experiences as a stay at home Mom of two.
I don’t have a gimmick. My only offering will be my honest words, my honest dealings with human emotions, and my honest search for more meaning in my average suburban Mom life, with the hopes that it will inspire others to become more self-aware themselves.
I don’t believe any experience, however small or seemingly insignificant, has to go to waste. In fact, I don’t believe God intends them to, so I’m going to be taking both the beautiful and the (often self-created) yucky stuff of my life and looking for the underlying lessons I can learn.
It goes without saying that I obviously don’t have all (if any) of the answers. I just have a strong desire to start a journey towards finding some.
I’d love it if you joined me on my journey.